Heaton's Prospects Look Fairly Shitty...

Jobless former UK Reality TV star Michelle Heaton has been in Ireland for the past few months trying to pick up some regular work. In a few interviews we've heard her drop MASSIVE hints that she'd like a role in crappy Irish Soap Opera 'Fair City' - it seems her less than coy ploy has hit-home with TV execs. Sadly they've told her to get-the-boat...

Michelle Heaton

For the past few months we've been ragging pretty hard on relocated pointless celebrity Michelle Heaton. Why? You say... Well, we just thought it was damn funny. But now, in a weird way, she's beginning to grow on us... We now look forward to seeing her over processed fake tanned body in the same pose squeezed into a slinky dress that's on the verge of splitting every seam... Each time we see her little puddin’ face our heart leaps with joy. Okay. Okay. So we’re sorta infatuated by her mystic omnipresence. It's not our fault, she just won't go away folks.

Michelle Heaton, Brian Dowling

But, determined as she is - she can only last in Ireland if she can get some steady work and some steady money. So at every opportunity she drops the hint that she'd like to continue to work here and Fair City is the name she most frequently drops... Well, there's not really much else going on here, now is there?

Michelle Heaton, Brian Dowling

And it seems, if the Herald is to be believed, that TV executives over at Fair City have finally got the message that the former Liberty X singer wants a part in their No-Hope Opera. And in a strange twist they told the Dublin paper that despite the media 'speculation', they've no part for poor aul Shelly-Belly.

Michelle Heaton, Brian Dowling

Speculation! What speculation? Michelle Heaton blatantly asked for the role live on Expose TV there recently in an interview with Lisa Cannon... She was only short of putting "Giz A Job, I Can Do That" on a placard and standing outside RTE studios waving the damn thing... Speculation. Don't make us laugh!

Michelle Heaton, Brian Dowling

In reality, we sincerely hope that Michelle Heaton gets some permanent work and can STAY here in Ireland because she's a little bit more interesting than your standard gobshite publicity hungry part-time model part-time socialite type that we get at the opening of every envelope. Plus, her terrible outfits always give us a giggle.

Michelle Heaton, Brian Dowling

Just look at how she even upstaged camp star Brian Dowling at the recent Miss Ireland 2008 finals at Crown Plaza Hotel... She abandoned her usual orange fake-bake and opted instead for the: dead-Bond-Girl-on-the-bed-in-Gold-Finger look. Ah Michelle, never leave us. We're nothing without you. NOTHING!